Bounce Back from the Banter

Being 100% on the same team doesn’t always mean 100% on the same page.

By Missy Thibault

We took quite the break from blogging and recording our podcast. Months. I thought it was primarily because of our work overload, and yes that was partly to blame, but 20 minutes into recording Episode 7 I came to realize that there may have been other reasons for the hiatus. Apparently it wasn’t until Chris was sitting down at the mic that he began to second guess what we were doing. It caught me off guard and made for quite an interesting, emotional, and at times uncomfortable, conversation. Honestly, we thought this episode was a wash.  It felt like a waste of time, and a waste of tape that was going to end up on the cutting room floor. But it didn’t take long for me to recognize that this real-life conversation, without a doubt, was a part of our journey. A journey that we promised to share. So… Episode 7 it is! 

Here’s a little recap:

We began the episode like all the rest, catching everyone up on what we’ve been up to since the last episode. The conversation flowed from work, to how he’s been feeling, to what’s next for treatments. I began to talk about how it would be silly to do anything other than to stick to EXACTLY what treatments have proven effective for shrinking his tumors. The problem was, Chris didn’t necessarily feel the same way.

Now he wasn’t saying that he doesn’t want to continue down the integrative path we’ve been taking. His point was that there were SO many factors at hand leading up to his good scan, that now he wants to focus on narrowing those down. The goal is to see which of those things are most effective physically, and at the same time sustainable financially. And I totally get that. But I just kept thinking that it’s too soon to take ANYthing off the table. I need my man and there is nothing scarier than losing him. It’s hard to worry about finances being on the line when his actual life is on the line. I’ll sell my kidney for the damn treatments, just bring em on… bring em ALL on.

Cue the beginning of the awkward conversations. 

Clip from Episode 7 of the Living Our Script podcast.

Then, at around 20 minutes into the podcast, (and as if my emotions aren’t already starting to fly high) Chris shifts gears and begins to express his concern for our podcast being a cancer-focused podcast.  He went on to say things like: “We are just repeating ourselves.”, “We don’t have anything new to add to the topic.”, “We don’t have any major announcements”… he even said he felt we were being boring. 

I felt like I was trying to defend our treatments, and now I needed to defend our podcast.

Clip from Episode 7 of the Living Our Script podcast.

The icing on the emotionally frosted cake was him talking about his lack of “passion” for the topic of cancer. He pretty much said that when he feels good, he doesn’t want to focus on “his biggest downfall”. And that talking about cancer isn’t necessarily what he wants to do with his life. I, in turn, made it clear that this wasn’t exactly on my vision board either.

Contrary to all the back and fourth about treatments and this podcast, I honestly DO understand his point of view. And I respect him for it. 

I understand that (like it or not) cancer is very much present in his daily life. It’s present in the 18 pills he swallows each day, and in every uncomfortable minute in the sauna. It’s in every decision about the food he choses to consume, and the tequila he choses not to. It’s in every needle poke, every injection, and all too present in every scan. 

So no, cancer doesn’t have to be, nor should it be, in every moment of his free time. Passion projects and creating will contribute to his healing just as much as any other treatment plan we could choose to embark on. I can assure you that we will continue to do our best in learning about, implementing, and sharing information about different healing modalities. I can also assure you that we will be sharing whatever the hell else we feel like in between. Because that is a healing modality for the creative, artistic, and journalistic parts of the soul.

Chris, I trust you. I don’t know how you do what you do on a daily basis when it comes to your wellness, your family, your home and work responsibilities. But what I do know, is that as long as we remember that we are both in this with the purest of intentions, and more love than we know what to do with… we will forever be able to bounce back from the banter. Because the end of the day, we are still one million percent on the same team.  Cancer doesn’t stand a chance. 

Listen to the full episode below:

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